Funny Signboards

Some pretty funny signs from various places around the world.
Hold on to your seats :)

Sign at a barber's saloon in Delhi
"We need your heads to run our business"

Notice at a barber's shop:
"Haircut for Rs 15/- . Children for Rs 10/-"

Notice in the toilet
"This urinal is out of order - Kindly use the floor below."

Sign in a restaurant:
"All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager"

Poop Deck

I finally got my fingers to punch in on my latest expedition on the ship.
How could I not write about it, I was after all the first Lady on this brand new Ship called Sichem Edinburgh. At last my hubby (Rahul) got his command after 13 years of backbreaking in the merchant navy.

So, I decided to join him once he set sail on his maiden voyage. He set off from the yard in Korea and we decided to give it a good month for things to settle aboard and then I’d hop on.

The two of us haven’t spent much time together since Dec'06. He came home in April'07 but had to leave in a week as he was getting promoted. (I call myself a part-time wife, which makes him a part-time husband). The only way for us to be together now depended on me joining his Ship.

This time the thrill was different. I wasn’t scared for sure (I made myself believe that). In fact I was walking around pretty confident; Been There Done That attitude. I was just ecstatic to be the so called Mrs. Captain. I knew the Ship was mostly going to be around the S. E. Asian waters which again got me excited as I have never been there except to Singapore & Bangkok when I was 11years. (You’re lucky I don’t remember much of that trip else I’d probably bore you with that too).

I must admit that I was a little worried, not about how I’d pass my days on the Ship and what will the food be like, but it was the monsoon season. South China Sea is generally not very known to be friendly. Besides I had just seen on CNN about the torrential rain that had killed some hundreds of people in floods, house collapses and rockslides across southern China with more heavy rain predicted for the coming weeks. The worst news was on a Ship that ran aground due to the uncontrollable weather. All crew members were rescued. *SIGH*

There was no chickening out of this, and as I said I was really thrilled to be with my Captain and spend some quality time aboard for at least 2 months. I thank my dear boss for approving this longish holiday of mine.

June 22, 2007. Next port of call was Singapore, where I was to be escorted by the local agent on the Ship. The ship was anchored, we had to take a boat ride. 45 minutes long ride and I was getting jittery.

Voila! A beautiful brand new freshly painted Ship awaits me. Capitano was too busy to come to the gang way. Instead he ordered his “men” to lift me and my Oh so heavy luggage out of the boat and on to the Ship deck. I was then ushered four levels up to the bridge to finally meet The Man. *happy happy* *Joy Joy*

My first port was Mailiao, Taiwan. Took us some 7 days to get there. Everyday I’d run up to the bridge around 4pm like I did in my previous Ship, to look out for my best friends – The Dolphins. Nowhere to be seen. Forget dolphins, I saw nothing apart from flying fish. The hungry fishing industry has sucked the marine life out.

Taichung was the nearest big city, so we got us a guide who drove us for 2 hours to the city and dropped us in front of a mammoth of a departmental store I have ever seen. 14 storey and we had 4 hours, could be pushed to 5. I was accompanied by the cadet who couldn’t have thanked me enough for being on the Ship. He would have never gotten the chance to get off and venture out alone.

Taichung was like any other big city, bright lights, traffic, tourists, malls, sex & gambling parlors and loads of karaoke joints. I found the shopping very expensive. They had just about every brand which I will probably never see in Bombay in my life time. I didn’t eat, though I was hungry. I have a stupid mental block that everything in the “chinki” land has either insects or some other animal added as an add-on ingredient. Besides nothing was in English. We tried speaking to at least 20 people but no one understands English. Jeez! I had to go to the extent of flashing my winkie to more than 5 people trying to explain them that I need directions to the loo.

Next destination: Zhuhai, China. We got there in 3-4 days, I think. The view was gorgeous. I just love seeing mountains and the sea, reminds me so much of Vancouver. I was quite kicked about being in China, cheap shopping, loads of shopping. I had a different perspective on China. I know Beijing, Shanghai are big happening cities. But other than that, I thought the rest would be laid back, poverty stricken, underdeveloped. Was I in for a shock??? Well, Zhuhai was so not like anything I just said. The roads were wide, well made, well structured. We had about half hour drive to get to downtown (the happening area).

Again I was flashed by scenes of what any normal developed city would be like. Unlike Bombay – developed yet so underdeveloped. I felt jealous and angry on how so many cities are better than my city. Why? Why? Why? Is there any hope for Bombay?

Geordie was my English speaking guide who took us to a street where we could buy DVDs or any electronic goods. I spent more than 2 hours in one shop buying 150 DVDs. Each cost me 5 Yuan. Cheap eh! Rahul then called me on my roaming mobile only to give me the worst news. The office sent a message to him for the next voyage. AFRICA.

One would think why that is the worst news. Well, the voyage from Singapore (where his ship would stop for fuelling) to Africa is 25 days long. Na ah! I have a lil bit of sanity in me and I don’t plan to lose it over this. No seeing land for 25 days and gawd knows what type of storms I would have to encounter. There was good news followed by this awful one. The Ship would stay in Zhuhai one extra day. Which meant Rahul had a chance to take a break from the Ship and tour around the city with me the next day.

So, I took him to the same DVD shop, as he wanted loads more DVDs. After all their only entertainment is watching movies. So we bought 150 more, digi camera, clothes and a karaoke set for his Filipino crew. Macau is a famous gambling city which was just a bridge walk away from where we were. Unlucky that we were, we couldn’t go there as it requires a separate visa and we had no time nor the option being seamen.

Time to say good bye to my voyage was nearing. I decided to get off in Singapore as I was not ready to head out to Africa. My 2 months plan was cut short by 2 weeks. Both of us were miserable but it was a sensible decision. I’d rather save my holiday for when he comes home.

I stayed in Singapore for 2 days before heading back to India. Shopped, saw a movie, went for the night safari and met up with my colleagues from the Singapore office. I loved every bit of Singapore.

Now, I am back to reality and back to work.

“So you are marrying a merchant navy officer?” a family member asks in a surprising tone. “And, are you going to be traveling with him on the ship, around the world?” with a broad curious smile. What do I say to her?

The truth, I was petrified about joining him, ever! I’ve never been comfortable on a boat or the ferry that takes me from Madh Island to Manori. Never joined my friends on the banana boat or the speed boat ride in Goa. Jeez, what’s with the phobia?

It’s been more than a year since we tied the knot, and now the BIG question comes. “When are you joining me on the ship? I will take care of you. Don’t you trust me?”

Zillion thoughts creating tsunami in my brains.
What about my dog? What about my work? What if I drown? What if a hungry shark decides to attack the ship? (damn u JAWS) What if the ship gets caught up in a storm? Whirlpools? Twisters? Will I get to see my family again? My dog, again? and the list goes on…

I started asking questions to all the merchant navy wives I’ve known. I told them his ship is only 10,000 tons. What do I get to hear in return… only laughs followed with a lot of console. (that’s a small ship. 4 of these or maybe 5 would fit into the QE-II)

No place to run, no place to hide. I finally take the plunge. I had to get 5 visas and a yellow fever jab. (US, Canada, UK, Brazil and Nigeria). My date of joining the ship was for the 17^th May. So I planned my trip ahead for the 8^th May to New Jersey. Visited my mom and sister. I needed that sooo much.

THE Day had come and I was palpitating. I was told an agent at the Vancouver airport will escort me straight to the ship. Unfortunately the ship was slightly delayed. Adding to my palpitations... he took me to a nice smallish B&B and got me a good deal for 5 hours of my stay. [West End Guest House at 1362 Haro St.] As I obviously would be tired from a long flight, I took a nap, not before I walked around the vicinity of my hotel. Gorgeous place, lovely weather, lots of Indians.It’s 21:45 and I hear my room phone ring. My agent has returned. I quickly freshen up and jump into his van eagerly waiting to reach the port.

There at last!
I hear loud roaring sounds as I walk dragging my luggage towards the ship. I cleared my customs, looking around anxiously for my husband. I did not have any rosy images about this and after looking at what I saw… man! The ‘R’ of rosy was a character I thought I will never see for a very long time. I was petrified. There were 5 men wearing boiler suits moving around working and staring at me, until one of them yelled out to the Chief Officer, my hubby, drawing his attention towards me.

What a sigh of relief seeing him after almost 5 months. He looked filthy in that jumper of his, but I didn’t care much, I just wanted a tight hug. The 1^st statement I made was – “Where the hell am I?” 2^nd statement – “Are you sure I should get on that?” 3^rd statement – “I’ll kill you if I die.”

I walk a steep ladder and enter the deck area, and as I walk along I am being introduced to the deck officers, the engineers and the crew in general. All looked like zombie’s to me.

My 1^st stop – the cabin where I’d be living in for the next few weeks. What do I see, another sign of distress? A single bed! That’s all? One would think, ‘how romantic’, na ah! So not it! Tried for the 1^st few nights, then decided to get another mattress and made Rahul sleep on the floor. Don’t you say ‘how mean’ or ‘unromantic’, I would have slept down if there weren’t any roaches doing their rounds.

We had cockroach traps, a fabulous idea to get these bugs out of your way. Take a smallish bottle, cover the base with fresh coffee and apply butter on the inside walls of the bottle. Then… just wait and watch.

2 whole days in Vancouver was the best time I had in this whole trip. I went out shopping and partying with the 3^rd officer and his girlfriend who happened to be in the city visiting her brother who happens to be living in a posh locality on the top most floor – 31^st i.e…. a penthouse…. to die for. He has a hot tub in his balcony and a view to kill. I loved every bit of everything we did (no no, we didnt jump in the hot tub.). I didn’t see much of the city but i know i will go back there someday.

The time has come to leave Vancouver, which means my 1^st voyage starts. Next destination Washington state – Tacoma or is it Tomaco??? Can’t remember.

I was so impressed at the way the mechanics worked. Off we went passing all the other ships, but why is this ship shaking so much? Is this normal? I was getting queasy. Thought I’d act strong and not crib like a baby, already! But I couldn’t control my expressions which the Captain could read easily and spoke in a heavy stern captainish voice… ‘It’s a storm; we’ll pass it in a few minutes.’

A whaaaaaaaaaaaaat
STORM!!!
ALREADY!!!
MAMMA HELLLLLLLLLLPPPP!!

Twas really nothing. It did pass very quickly. Freaking out for nothing.

I was absolutely stunned with the oceanic view, the water colour and the breadth of the sky. The dolphins were my best friends for the next 50 days. Everyday at 4:00pm they'd come out to greet me by showing off their jumps and flips and the speed at which they swim. Gorgeous creatures! I saw whales too shooting off water from their snouts. Sea turtles are the funniest looking. As for sharks, well i was looking forward to seeing them too, unfortunately saw none. I wonder how many are left in the world. God save them!My journey on the whole went superb. I loved it. I was unnecessarily stressing over the whole thing. If I can do this, anyone can… so I believe. I look forward to my next journey with my hubby around the world.

I will not go into details of every place I visited. But here’s the list:

Vancouver, Canada

Tacoma, Washington State

Long Beach, California

Gautemala

El Salvador

Nicaragua

Ecuador

Panama Canal – Awesome Engineering

Columbia

Barcelona – My final destination

The 2nd love of my life - Whiskey aka Wiskoo
My pet labrador dog
Birth Date: 25 May 2004

GOA _ February 2006

...and yet another trip down to Goa. I can never get sick of Goa, well after 4 days maybe but never on the thought of just going to Goa.

4th Feb '06 - Suchi, Nishi & I fly in phool ishtyle by Air Deccan, ticks bought 2 months ago - cheap deal - Rs.2500 return. We are all loaded with beetchy clothes... sarongs, bandanas, caps, sun-blocks, fruity body wash(es), chappals, tank-tops, party tops, more sun-block, sun-glasses, dispirins, iron, hair-dryer, skirts, shorts, pajamas, swimwear and the list goes on... Thank you air deccan for allowing our luggage in without further scrutiny.

Our 1st night was a horror. I booked us in Sea View Cottages having rosey thoughts about the place; oh! it's facing the sea and it's a cottage all to us; naha! it was so not what i - we thought. The darn geyser looked like it would explode any time, bathroom door won't shut, a million ants outside our room door. Not that i wanted a Taj Village type of standards but comme on i need hot water and a toilet door thats shuts.

So, we jumped to Cavala resort.................... a dream for someone who wants to enjoy a good holiday under budget. We spent the same amount for an a/c suite as compared to the broken toilet door - geyser exploding cottage. 7 steps outside my suite and i am inside a swimming pool. We were so damn lucky to get rooms on a last minute notice. Hey! and not to forget, we also get breakfast inclusive of our stay, yet again in the same price.

All in all an awesome trip. We got back in one piece. I say that because the last time Suchi & i had a nasty bike accident and returned badly bruised that took months to heal. A lesson learnt: 'Nazar Hatee Durghatna Ghatee'.

For those who haven't been to Goa - you are so missing out.
For those who haven't gone for long - don't miss a chance.
For those who go very often - will you stop crowding up and give others a chance. (just kidding, have a blast!)